I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot

If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but milk do?

Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone

I'm more drunk than a three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!

When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better

To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life's problems

WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? ... Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i'LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!

I avoid temptation unless I can't resist it

I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours

Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?

Gravity always wins

The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk

There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise

I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings

Buy land, they have quit making it!

Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it

Eat healthy, exercise more, still die

Politicians prefer unarmed peasants

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