Some people say "shoot" instead of "shit." They can't fool me, man. "Shoot" is "shit" with two o's
There's too much blood in my caffeine system
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
It tastes like burning
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway
May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful!
Its a shame that stupidity isn't painful
I can't wait to see how you look when I'm naked
Love me ore leave me. Hey! Where's everybody going??
Life is one of those things that most of us find very difficult to avoid
On the road of life, don't forget to stop and eat the roses
A honest person is someone you could play checkers with over the phone
If I am what I eat them I am cheap, quick, and easy
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain
Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Which is why I recycle
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hated me. He told me I was being ridiculous. Everyone hadn't met me yet
We are searching for rational reasons for believing in the absurd
More and more of our imports come from overseas...

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